personality

Note the following blog was mostly written during abnormaly difficult times. I plan to update when I get time.

I'm somewhat of a (emo) or possibly a male lesbian.

This means I would not mind being the last man on earth, assuming there were lots of women, except I would miss a few friends.
I am good at 'picking up' how others are feeling.
Often, I'm not sure what people would like me to do about it.
And sometimes I don't care.
No, I am not particularly fashion conscience.
No, I don't worry about my nails.
I'm not paticularly neat.
And no, I don't have a tendancy to talk for long periods of time on the phone or otherwise.
On the other hand, I don't like watching sports.
I don't like watching people do things on T.V. I could be doing myself.
That includes reality t.v. and soap operas.
And I'm not into beer or most other drugs (I've been known to have a tall orange juice with a little rum when I need to relax and fit in at a party.
I'm sorry about the negatives.
I don't know how else to convey these important details.

I do like exploring the world through hiking, boating, snorkeling, and learning about science and technology.
It would be nice to have a woman who would encourage me to use all my talents.
Due my ADD and to the fact that I have a "thousand" thoughts a minute I'm almost guaranteed to offend you sometime so let me apologize in advance.
I live in an apartment with my mother.
It is very cold in the winter and hot in the summer thanks to somekind of reverse insulation.
My mother has an illness that will make here life more and more difficult until she dies from liver failure.
Although I care about her; and we get along well sometimes. I can't say we are really close, because she has never been satisfied with almost everything all my life.
The reason I live here is because I can't find a job that will pay me enough to move anywhere else or really help her in any significant way.
The job I do have wears my knees down painfully and makes it harder to do anything else because of the resulting fatigue.
It also doesn't help that in September 2005, some nice upstanding good ol boy turned his dads ford expedition into my car leaving me with tearing headaches and tension that made life miserable.
I still get tension problems on the side of my head though they are decreasing and minor compared to what they were.
Or that the lawyer I hired seems to be flaking.
And now the store were I work has new owners that that prevent me from using the (hard won) stool that I was using.
And have me working way more hours. While I feel for the difficulties they are having, my knees can't keep up.
And now I was taking one of the hardest classes at Saddleback College, Assembly Language.
I was only taking it because I started it before.
Now I dropped because I need to study for the Network+ exam and html.
I'm supposed to be getting my life in order so I can go and visit my dad in Sweden for the summer.
We are supposed to set up a business building boats.
It won't be a leisure trip.
And I am supposed to be managing the business website and researching technology.
Sometimes it seems like the only reason my life is such a pain is that I was born in this second world country and not Sweden.
I am hoping to move to Sweden eventually.
Where the only real miserable thing is the winter weather.
Or, if fotune shines, have a little vacation home in Cali.

I'm f.ing tired of people using drugs to hide from their emotional and sexual problems.

Like my ex-girlfriend who I met in November.
She thought I was cute and said she really wanted to marry me.
But only would act intimate (except for a occasional french kiss) towards me when she had some tequila.
I didn't have that much time to spend with her.
I was hoping things might change.
The main thing that kept me going to her is that seeing her seemed to help my headaches and other nervous problems.
It turned out that she was just using me to fill the void left by some abusive bastard who just happened to leave her pregnant (her daughter is now six).
And to get residency in the country.
She apparently still felt some attachment to the bastard because she ended up moving in with him again after he came up from Mexico.
I wonder how long before the abuse starts again.
And to make things more interesting, I heard she is pregnant.
It must have been the one time we went out that she got realy aroused, she problably went home and did the wild thing with one of her roomates.
I think the young mexican guy who answered the door and pretended not to know who R. was one time, was problably intended to take the blame.
I guess it is all the more reason to only date girls who know how to use dildos and condoms

Note the previous blog was mostly written during abnormaly difficult times. I plan to update when I get time.

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